DIRECTIONS - a skit for the holiday

DAD: Get in the car, kids. We’re off to Grandmother’s. Jimmy, you and your sister in back and behave. Tom, in front. You can navigate. Where are those directions your mother left us?

TOM: Dad, what’s the address? I’ll put it in the navigation system.

DAD: Fine but I don’t trust that thing. Read me the start of the directions.

TOM: Okay—south out of town on the highway.

DAD: Great, we are off. Mom is sure we’ll get lost. We’ll show her and be there right on time. Okay, we’re out of town. What now?

TOM: Turn on River Road.

DAD: Which way on River Road?

TOM: Mom says right.

GPS: Take the next left

DAD: Darned machine distracted me. Which left? The one we just passed?

JIMMY: That was it!

DAD: Thanks, Jimmy. We’ll just turn around. And now Mom’s directions work. Right on River Road.

SIS: How much farther, Daddy?

TOM: Mom says over the river.

JIMMY: Where’s the river?

DAD: There’s the bridge and we are over the river. What’s next?

TOM: Through the woods? What woods? Dad, there’s not a tree anywhere.

GPS: Continue forty-seven miles.

DAD: Forty-seven miles? We might find some woods by then.

SIS: Are we there yet? How much longer?

TOM: Look, a tree.

DAD: No, that’s just a juniper.

TOM: Lots and lots of junipers.

SIS: Are we in the woods now, Daddy?

DAD: Tom, what now?

TOM: That’s all Mom wrote down. How far have we come?

JIMMY: No houses here, Daddy. Where’s Grandma’s?

DAD: It’s only been forty-two miles. We’re fine.

GPS: Proceed straight ahead

DAD: Forty-six . . . forty-seven . . . Anybody see anything?

GPS: Proceed thirty-one miles and turn right

DAD: What? No. We should be there. Tom, get that machine reset or something.

TOM: Okay, I’ll put the address in again.

GPS: Proceed thirty-one miles and turn right

GPS: Proceed five miles and turn right

GPS: Proceed nineteen miles and turn right

GPS: Proceed six miles and turn left

DAD: Wait a minute; wait a minute. That takes us in circles.

GPS: Proceed ten miles and turn left

DAD: No, no, that can’t be right. Try putting in the address again.

TOM: Okay, I'll try.

GPS: I am sorry; you cannot get there from here. Return to point of origin and begin again.

DAD: Shut that thing off! Over the river? Through the woods? I never should have let your mother go ahead.

JIMMY: Grandma’s house is green. That house is green.

DAD: Fifty-two miles; it’s been fifty-two miles.

TOM: That’s Mom’s car parked out front. We’re there!

DAD: So we are, no thanks to talking cars. At least we aren’t late. There’s your grandmother.

Grandma: Welcome, welcome – HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYONE!